Spanked With Literary Devices

You, my faithful readers, are surely smart enough to figure out the hilarity of these recent events.

I leave Pick'n'Save and the checker mentions that I have "saved" $65.91 by shopping there.

I practically crash my car reading the fine print on the billboard that reads "Poor Weather Conditions Don't Cause Accidents. Distracted Drivers Do."

And today, as I am leaning over to scoop my dog's shit into an old Target bag, he kicks grass and dirt into my face.