FIVE

Today my baby is five. I flip through the pictures of my pregnancy and the early months of being a family of five. I remember feeling so anxious and exhausted, but the pictures are beautiful. The filter of time helps. Even though Joey was my third child, I wondered during the entire pregnancy if I would have enough love/energy/time to go around. I did. I do.

The immediacy and intensity of the animal instinct after childbirth come back to me, that primal honey badger feeling that nothing else matters. Mother nature at her absolute finest. I flipped the baby side to side, examining his perfection, realizing NOT that I might not have enough to give but that something - Joey - was missing from our family all along.

I vow not to baby Joey, but he will always be my baby. He was the final piece in the puzzle, the one that allowed me to stand back and see the whole picture.

I love to travel back as far as my amended memories will take me, but I am glad to be where we are. The metamorphosis is staggering, from "Ronco," so nicknamed because we could "set'em AND forget'em," like the infomercial, to the Chris-Farley-on-coke whirling dervish of a toddler, to the smart and funny little boy he is becoming. I love this guy.

Today is a milestone for us both. For him, a new bike. For me, a pat on the back for making it, for doing the best I could, for creating this life. Happy birthday, Joey. Love, Mom